If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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