Porn is love you can see.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You have to summon your inner elephant
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
