discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
