what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
