Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize