Can Purell be used as lube?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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