Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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