While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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