Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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