everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
