Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
