If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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