Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had to cum in my sink.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
