Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
