I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
