So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
