Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
