Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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