Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
