I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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