I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
