garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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