I think scott just propositioned me for sex
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
