You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
