I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
