Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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