I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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