Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
