its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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