Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
