i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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