Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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