Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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