I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
