I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
