Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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