Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
