You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
