You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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