Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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