she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
