i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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