The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
