Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
