why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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