shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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