his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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