Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my liver is dry heaving
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
