Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
