yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What a dumb baby whore.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
