That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
