i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
