anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
