I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
