The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
