Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
