Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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