I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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