i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
