in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
