i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
