Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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