She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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