you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My vagina just clenched in fear
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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