me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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