I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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