I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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