dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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