nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
